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Grow

The tomato plant has one green tomato, another plant beautiful, tall foliage with buds, but no tomatoes. The green beans have funny looking leaves, shriveled and curled with no beans. The peppers have produced a small harvest, only four jalapenos on one and six on the yellow.  I planted zinnia seeds twice with nothing. So, to say the least, I have a bug infestation, as well as cute little ground squirrels sitting back eating seeds like they were pistachios and driving the dogs crazy. These rodents watch and wait at the deck taunting the dogs watching from the window, as they go wild to get out for the chase.

I was so excited about this summer season and the process of GROWth, the chance of watching each plant fulfill its mission, producing its gifts. But it has truly been a challenge and you cannot go through a CHAalleNGE without the word CHANGE. I will enjoy what is left, the coleus and its many colors are a joy. I will take note of my planting challenges and change some of the process. If I persevere, next year will be different.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1: 2-4

This Bible verse describes the process of our growth. Most of us do not want challenges to get the growth we need. We want a quick fix, not a lesson on perseverance, wanting our actions to instantly match our intentions. The Lord doesn’t promise us a rose garden with a life void of trials. Well, He does, actually, with rose thorns and all manner of care needed. But the product from that rose bush can be spectacular with the Lord’s paint brush and unforgettable fragrance.

What are the benefits of growth with such challenges? The change is developing our character that we may serve our Lord, making us persevere about reaping the benefits, loving like Jesus and becoming more like Him. As Christians, that is our goal. The journey to get there looks quite different in our eyes compared to the Lord’s. He has the broader picture and knows our needs exactly; we will lack for nothing. Fill my cup, Lord. Jean Ann

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The Storm

In the last few days, I have felt as though we are unable to escape deep heartache. The storms in the south causing deadly tornadoes, a whole town almost obliterated. Certainly, the families who are left to pick up the pieces, are scared from loss.  I believe the mind has a very difficult time wrapping their head around what has happened in close to a blink of the eye. A news reporter asked a survivor, who had been hiding in their bathroom tub with their family how long did the roar of the tornado last? The answer, “it felt like a lifetime but probably only a few minutes.” Such tragedy in a few minutes. It will be a lifetime to overcome.

            Control, do we have any? I sat and cried, watching what has happened in my home state. Anxious to see or hear from someone, I knew in Aberdeen. I tried Facebook first, but the lack of power created a void in cell service. Then a friend in the outskirts answered with we are okay, she added Amory took the brunt in the county. Once I was able to confirm some of my distant family and friends were okay, we began to think of what we could do immediately. Asking my cousin, Dee, “Right now, most people are in shock. The church is gone with nothing salvageable accept a stain glass window. To make it worse people came to the church during the night and stole the beautiful window that was only cracked. Next door, the couple lost everything. Those not affected are helping their neighbors. Right now, I don’t think we know where to begin.”

            Storms … Jesus had fed the masses, five thousand men plus women and children.  Jesus instructed the disciples to get into the boat and go ahead to the other side of the lake while he dismissed the crowds.  After sending them away he retreated onto a mountain by himself to pray. The boat of disciples was fighting the strong headwind, being battered by the waves. Jesus walked on the water to join His disciples, but they thought it was a ghost, beginning to scream in terror.  Jesus spoke to them, “It’s me, don’t be afraid, be encouraged.”  Peter, being Peter, had to meet Jesus to prove it really was Him. After Jesus said, “Come,” Peter stepped from the boat and onto the water, walking toward Jesus. He looked away at the strong wind, became frightened beginning to sink. “Lord, rescue me!” Jesus reached out grabbing him saying, “You man of weak faith. Why did you begin to doubt?” When they returned to the boat, the wind settled down. Those in the boat raised their hand in worship, “You must be God’s Son!”

It is easy to feel close to God on a beautiful spring day with no tornadoes bearing down in the dark night. However, it is more difficult to keep our eyes on Him when the storm is overwhelming and frightening. The storm may not be a tornado, fire, flooding, or disaster. It may be times of devastating illness, loss and deep sorrow. It may be the presence of darkness and evil, so opposite a beautiful spring day. Today, in the state I call home, a school shooting in Nashville, killing three children and three adults.

The shooter obviously did not like their own life, thus the only way in this mentally ill 28-year-old woman, was to kill those who did love life, such as three nine-year-old happy, playful, innocent children, with joyful bright eyes and huge smiles. Just a few weeks away from Easter, they will not get easter baskets or hunt eggs dressed in their Easter best. They will also never be in the arms of their loved ones again, never be able to laugh, play, eat ice cream, or learn so much about this world. However, perhaps they have taught us how things on this earth should not be. This lesson is not the first one, but of the many young lives over the years taken in the name of hate. What is the next step?

As a product of the sixties, I hear the song sung by Jackie DeShannon, “What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love.” No not just for one but for everyone. No matter our individual background, our religious preference or political persuasion, we should be able to agree with the song.  

No matter the storm, we need the Lord to take our hands and walk us to safety, back to the boat. And Jesus said, “It’s me, don’t be afraid.”

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Steely Skies

Swimming as fast as I can to break through this steely gray embracing me, I see no clear outlet. I must break free, from the sand sinking around me. A flash of memory pops up from who knows where. My feet are planted in the sand as the tide rolls in, returning to the sea the tide takes away the sand under my feet. The immediate need, get my balance. because the next wave is coming in.

Today holds so many needs, I know because the list never seems to be accomplished. All on the unfinished list needs to be done, but I have run out of steam. Each item is moved to the next page with hope. Tomorrow I will get through more of the list, writing is my priority.  When I was working on the book, Broken but Blessed, each deadline I did not make required me to stop; regroup, reassess, and then react. First the reality is, I always believe I can do more than I can do. Sometimes I have just had to walk away to gain new prospective.  I am not giving up, just working on a different schedule that works better for me and those I am working with to complete the book or whatever else it may be.

We have been binge watching the TV show ‘9-1-1’ with a great cast equally a great script. My husband Dan worked as a paramedic many years ago. It is interesting to hear his point of view. First fire and medics must assess what is needed, regrouping quickly to give direction or updates with reassessing what is needed and then put it all into action. Sometimes the action is not enough and additional support is needed, calling in for information about what may have started the emergency.

In the book, Broken but Blessed, I have written of a heartache time for us as a family. Our youngest son, fifteen years old, was in a motorcycle accident, after being life flighted to a major hospital, we drove as quickly as we could to get the 40 miles away, during evening rush hour. Upon getting there, he was in triage the doctor told us frankly the accident is life threatening. Not knowing what to do, I needed to regroup, reassess the situation, and then react. My reaction was instinct. I put my hands up saying, ‘He is your child, Lord, you have gifted him to us. Please don’t take him away.’ I came from the room calmer.

We did not know what was happening on the other side of the doors, but we did not rush into believing he was gone. We did not have sufficient information regarding this sudden unexpected change in our lives. Our reaction was to pray, to let our family know what was happening and wait. We reacted with a short-term plan to stay in the moment. It was all we could do at this time.

Long-term plan became follow him to ICU, prepare for a fifteen-hour surgery, where a great deal of repair was required. We are so thankful for his life; he has had much to overcome since he was left with a brain injury. He has enjoyed a life inclusive of his wife and five children standing next to and loving him. He has had so much love to give. And we have reaped all his love and the love of his family.

The sand shifted when the tide came in and out but we held on to the actual life buoy, our Lord and Savior.  We continue to hold on to the buoy because the sand is always shifting.

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Bleeding Hearts

Family, a group of people, each a unique masterpiece, sharing unconditional love, hugs and support. One of life’s greatest blessings. Cherish always.

I wish this beautiful quote was always the case, but life sure gets messy, feelings get hurt, concerns of money or time, and a myriad of other breaks in the vine. Sometimes breaks that cannot or have not been repaired or forgiven. A grudge – such a hard word, but also meaning, eat one’s heart out. 

When I took this picture in southern Alaska one early June, I was taken by the vine carrying tiny heart-shaped flowers, each with a dainty white ‘tear’. I love the lush green fernlike foliage, from which comes vines with dripping hearts. As in life, families grow, each seeking their own life, with their own flowering bleeding-heart vine. Time continues, often way to fast, leaving those you love, for the next vine and flowers. It is not uncommon to see a family member pass away and a direct descendent born within the same year or time period. The tears change from sadness to joy when a precious new life comes into our lives. There is always room for more love but it does require a heart free to love and not mangled into unforgiveness.

Have you noticed there has been a word eliminated when expressing love. We have said, I love you, showing the direction from whom it comes. Yet, I note that most say, Love you, with no “I”. I have done it also but try to catch myself. Does not having the ‘I’ in the phrase allow me to give up less ownership. Why? Have we been hurt so many times it is just safer, to not have to take down the brick wall or more easily get out of commitment.

Is forgiveness needed to be able to jump the barrier between two or more grudges? I know you have heard, ‘I forgive you, but I sure won’t forget’. Does it become personal, fair to say, ‘it’s not my fault, look what they did to me’. Forgiveness requires an active decision to let go of resentment and anger, to lessen the grip that can easily strangle. Sometimes forgiveness has a mind of its own, or so we want to believe. Often misunderstanding the culprit, stalking through the night to keep us awake, and grow as we feed it.

In Ephesians 6:10-11, from his jail cell in Rome, around the year 61-62 AD saying, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” It would have been much easier for Paul to have bitterness in his heart, unable to forgive those who had put him in jail. If so, would we have the word penned for our hearts to learn from his experiences. Examine what needs to be forgiven in your life, allowing the Lord to put each on your heart.  The list could be overwhelming, each occurrence needs attention, some more than others. Start with one, pray for the Lord to put that one on your heart to work through.  I am so thankful for each who have been in my life, some who have taken me for granted or used me for their outcome. Forgiveness is not easy, but there is a Lord who loves us and wants to remove the brick from the wall of hurt.  I pray the bleeding-hearts of our lives flow with love from us to where it belongs for His glory.